She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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