You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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