just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
