You're so nebulous sometimes
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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