so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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