Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
