her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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