your room smells of hookers.
And success
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
