I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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