Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I wish i was in the wii world.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
