so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
