the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
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