Who did Billy Mays play for?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
