I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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