I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
my sisters under your porch take her home
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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