New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Everyone says I win the strip club
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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