OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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