I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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