so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
