I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
