all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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