I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
