The maid of honor just puked.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
