He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
