is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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