The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
