My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
