when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I seem to have left my pride at pride
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
someone owes me an orgasm
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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