so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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