escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize