Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
