I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
