DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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