the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
