the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
There r osticjed everywhere
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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