You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
