The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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