Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
