Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize