The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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