just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
