And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
