Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
