Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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