Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
