Are we in a gay sports bar?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
