are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
