he puts the penis in happiness.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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