How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
