i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He? As in you personified your dick?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
