I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
