Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
