"it" just moved
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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