I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
