She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
