I must be too annoying 4 u.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
