I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
