Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
