now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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