his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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