Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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