I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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