You're my little dorito
im about as happy as oj after his trial
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
