If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize