youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
