U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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