I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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