I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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