Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
