some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
