i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
