I want to make a zoo with you.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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