Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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