Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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