But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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