why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
